Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I've always wondered iffilm directors wake up screaming"CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!" whenthey have nightmares.

   going to The Regal Beagle tonight with Janet and Chrissy. Larry will meet us later. When we get together, shenanigans will soon follow.

   Damn I just seen this big chick with a belly ring soon as she sat down it VANISHED

   God, when I said make it rain on me, what I meant was shower me with money like a stripper, not the weather

   Jennifer Aniston has the emotional range of the volleyball in "Cast Away" & the comedic timing of a syphilis outbreak.

   Me: "I'll have a Coke please." Waitress: "Is Pespi okay?" Me: "Is Monopoly money okay?

   difference between jam and jelly..I cant jelly my D..k into her mouth

   CORRECTION: "Who are we?" "Men!" "What do we want?" "s3x!" "When do we want it?" "24/7/365!"

   If you're not spanking her ass on a regular basis, YOU SIR ARE DOING IT WRONG!

   Bring a side? Like, of alcohol?

   Surely hope insurance companies start classifying "delusional people who think the President is doing a good job" as a pre-existing condition.

   U.S.A.- If you have oil, your people need freedom and peace.

   throwing skittles at random people and saying " taste the rainbow b*tch!"

   Beer makes you smart. It made Bud Wiser.

   wondering...Do you think stores would open another resister if I brought a flame thrower in with me? I f****n hate to wait!!!!

   Xmas idea. Mistletoe tied to my belt buckle. Hope this works.

   I'm deleting some friends off my facebook...you may not make the cut. You have been warned. Have a great day. :D

   once got busy in a Burger King bathroom.

   I googled my name, and the first thing that came up was the wikipedia definition for smatass. Google knows me sooo well.

   in west,dates were divided in two parts A.C. & B.C...in USA its now divided into three parts A.C., B.C., and 9/11