Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   just risked a car accident to type this...

   If anyone from Chile ever asks me to play hide-n-seek, I am going to hide first cause those guys are good!

   Let's start a post that will be positive . . . . What is on your Christmas wish list?? (in the real world, of course we'd all like more money, etc....)

   Paul Newman's half-Jewish, Goldie Hawn's half too, put them together, what a fine looking Jew

   We have Gandhi - India...beat that...Oh wait... he believed in non-violence

   I bet the vampires goes crazy when Bella is ragging....

   "Jesus loves you." It's so nice to hear that said to oneself in church!! ... "Jesus loves you." A horrific thing to hear in a Mexican prison!!

   President Obama's new campaign promise: " In my first term, I sang Al Green. In my second term, I'm going with Young Jeezy."

   It sucks to live in the shadow of your older brother or sister. Imagine if Jesus Christ had a little brother or sister. How do you live up to THAT?

   ever notice how a newborn is like a pothead..."whoa, look at my hand...it has fingers"

   I like big butts, but unfortunately I do lie. So really, I dont like big butts...Or do I? You'll never know.

   Math questions are so freaking stupid! Like for example “If I had 30 chocolate bars and I eat 29, what do I have?” Hmmm…. I dunno… Diabetes maybe???

   So let me get this straight....a giant bunny rises from the dead, commits a bunch of sins, then we eat a pig?

   Even if I had 1 wish.. I wouldnt wish for you 2 Love me, Cuz I dont want your Love to come from a wish.. But straight from your Heart ♥

   Boy: Do you like parties? Girl: Yes, why? Boy: Well then jump in my pants and have a ball!

   Are we supposed to poop 15 or 20 times a day? Just checking to see if I'm normal....

   Elmo is a gay black 52 year old child molester.... Childhood = RUINED.

   Sometimes when I am filling up my car with gas, I like to take the antenna off the car challenge the person at the next pump over to a f@#king sword fight.

   Sometimes I wonder what the world would be like if we were all of the same race!

   wondering ... Have you ever been at work, when a genital piercing has become a semi-medical emergency; only leading to having your girlfriend come and help you remove it with a dremel tool and bolt cutters? No? Me neither ...