Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   knows. It doesn't bother me at all. Do I hold any hard feelings? Not at all, ... Life is too short to sit around and hold grudges. I don't hold any whatsoever.

   Went to check the mail.. and got iced. Thanks mom

   If you "think" you caught me scratching my nuts, you just missed it when I said "I don't give a f*** who sees me"

   I raised the alarm at work today.The midgets were furious.

   You couldn't pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heel.

   "Oh, the weather outside..... is the weather......"

   funeral directors are facing a hard decision on whether they should cremate, bury or recycle Michael Jackson

   thinkin'... well, la-dee-frickin-da !!!

   How to annoy people: Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophecy".

   A candy that starts off sour and then gets sweet?... Wow that sums up my girlfriend..

   Curiosity leads to education; education to knowledge; knowledge to understanding; understanding to tolerance; tolerance to peace.

   I got stone cold case of the muchies so bad that I'm eating Macaroni and Cheese straight out of the box and chasing it with a glass of milk and butter. So good! I'm tempted to try snorting that powdered cheesy goodness for ultimate processed food high.

   choo choo...Lindsay Lohan...WHAT A TRAIN WRECK!

   <---------------------was dumped on Facebook!

   Can I borrow that quarter? Because my mom told me to call home when I fell in love.

   You know that garbage can right next to Oscar the Grouch's garbage can? That's where he takes the ladies.

   "I see!" says the blind man, as he pisses in the fan, "It all comes back to me now..."

   Cool like the other side of the pillow.

   waiting for boomerangs to make a comeback

   16yr-old Gossip Girl Taylor Momsen says her bff is her vibrator. In creepier news, Justin Bieber says he won't leave home w/o his buttplug!