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If Dr. Ben Carson wrote down every single thought he ever had he would get an award for the shortest story ever. 
Raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies is the main reason why I have trust issues
Mammogram sounds like a pet name for a great-grandmother
If 90's R&B comes on in the bedroom, we making a baby. I don't care.
Report out of Nashville: Dolly Parton in traffic accident. Her dual "airbags" obviously saved her life. đ
GIRL: âHave you ever done anything sexual before?â GUY: âWell, one time I came out of a v@gina nakedâ
Don't worry, guys, Tebow is being traded for our sins.
Jesus may have walked on water, but Stephen Hawking runs on batteries.
During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel
Why do people feel safe under blankets? It's not like a murderer will come in thinking âI'M GOING TO KILL.. Ah darn he's under a blanketâ!!
Bobby Brown abruptly left Whitney Houston's funeral at about 12:20. Heard it was for a smoke break. I think he's just jealous of Kevin Costner's speech
Mr. Sandusky is going to open a new college called Bring em' Young!!
TICKLING; Is like being raped but you're forced to laugh... And I totally hate it - _ -
My fat friends all want to go to dinner and my skinny friends all want to go to yoga.
A SMART WOMEN spends all her husbands Money so he cannot Remarry, A SMART MAN makes more than his Wife can SPEND!!!
worships the King of Burgers. He let's you have it 'Yahweh'.
whats the point of being nice if it goes unnoticed.
did you know President George W. Bush and Playboy founder Hugh Hefner are cousins!
I phoned up the spiritual leader of Tibet and he sent me a large goat with a long neck. Turns out I phoned Dial-a-Llama
Yesterday was hump day and I totally forgot to hump someone. If you let me hump you today I may give you some money. Don't worry, it's not prostitution unless I finish
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