Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   When you mess up a guy’s hair, he thinks it’s cute, but when you mess up a girl’s hair, just hope you’re wearing something bulletproof.

   Today, I was chauffeured around town by a white guy. If only my great great great great great great great grandfather could see this.

   Apparently anal sex is illegal in Iceland. Sadly enough for the American tax payer it's not an issue

   if I had a nickel for every girl I slept with, I'd have...like...some nickels...

   Capitalization is the difference between "helping your Uncle Jack off a horse" and "helping your uncle jack off a horse".

   Since when is it unconstitutional for an acting president to seek help from a foriegn country to win an election?

   NY and California have he highest number of inbred marriages and incest. So I would say ALOT.

   I was enjoying watching a monkey at the zoo flinging his poop at all the spectators until I realized I was at home and watching the daily White House presser.

   The President woke up this morning and said "I don't think we have been corrupt enough yet. There must be more lies we can tell. Get Devin on the phone."

   If you think it's impressive that the US got a gold medal in the air rifle event, just wait and see how they do in the mass shooting category!

   Look at that! I'm too late, perfect timing.

   Million dollar idea: Uber but for gift wrapping. That way my wife wouldn't think an epileptic monkey on crack wrapped her gift.

   Fox News .. we put the @ss in seaxual harassment.

   If this guy making my damn sandwich goes as a sloth for Halloween I guarantee he will nail it!!

   You like flowers, we DON'T! We are happy to buy it for you. Don't make us like flowers.

   Repeating jokes to different crowds is part of part of the fun, sometimes it is beneficial to change them up slightly each time, making them stronger, funnier jokes. So find something better to do with your time. Or just keep being a D!<k.

   "Racism makes as much sense as saying I don't want that gift because of the color of the wrapping paper" and it was ugly and they clung and they were stalker.

   Just layed on my horn for 39 seconds at the slow driver in front of me before realizing he was the last car of a funeral procession.

   The O.J. Simpson chase: The slowest whyte Bronco since John Elway.

   A hint to the wise, a rod to the invader.