Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Doggie style is the preferred position - the reason is less eye contact the better.

   Sam Adams Triple Bock.....14% alcohol? Seriously? One of these is like 3.5 Coronas! .......Danger Will Robinson!

   wonders who the smart a$$ is putting all the w's in the M&M's?

   You need people like me so you can point your finger and say thats the bad guy.

   FOR SALE: straw house and stick house. Both in need of renovation. Apply brick house. No wolves.....

   humans......the only creatures who would actually invent a bunch of machines that throw you around, call it an amusement park, and we actually wait in long lines and PAY to do it!

   I met a man who fell into an upholstery machine. Fortunately, he's fully recovered now.

   The Greeks have stopped producing humas and taramasalata. It's a double dip recession.

   Gene Simmons is now married...hope he didnt french kiss the bride...she might choke

   my handheld social networking device is ringing! what do I do?.

   Gotta love AC with this heat, but damn it's colder than a witches ( . ) in here...

   I've recently come to realize that pajamas with pockets is the greatest invention EVER! They make it SOOO much easier to hide the stuff I steal when I visit my local Wal-Mart store...

   clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am stuck in the middle... with the rest of the citizens that would like to FIRE THE WHOLE STINKIN LOT OF YOU! Wow, that felt pretty good.

   Everyone is always having a good time, till someone poops in the punch bowl

   STILL, loking for a Russian maid with ten fingers like a mouth and a mouth like ten fingers...

   Just had 2 thoughts during my massage. 1.I hope my body is not in an odd position when I die. 2.I don't think I've ever seen a live otter."

   Rain, and gloom every day......like Forks, but no hot vampires

   I thought my dog was crazy for humping the air... then one day I tried it. It's pretty underrated

   "Archaeologists Discover First-Ever Gay Caveman." I'm calling it now: "Glee-anderthal: The Musical." That one's free, Hollywood.

   Single guys need to get a fake ring. I've been hit on more in the last year since I have been married than in a LONG time. You women are scandalous, making me buy a bigger memory card for my contact list and all. Geesh!!!