Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Spooning may lead to Forking

   :V (Guy who talks out of one side of his mouth).

   Girls get so weird when you ask them to make a wittle baby in their tum tum... still single

   Manure United 1 - 6 Man City (No prize for guessing who the b!tch was in that match)

   going to murder the most awesomest person alive, but that would be suicide

   They're now putting living celebrities on stamps… finally we can all get a chance to lick Madonna!

   I just watched an episode of the Big Bang Theory everyone is talking about. They should call it I Have No Idea What To Do With A Blonde.

   My wife is like a tree She falls down after being hit repeatedly with an Axe.

   Dear new generation, The Lion King will always be ours, SO BACK OFF B!TCHES. Sincerely, 90s kids.

   I bet crackheads totally misinterpreted the "can you smell what 'The Rock' is cooking, saying.

   If you think I wrote this status update in the nude, you're wrong. I'm wearing a sombrero and a candy necklace. (

   F"ing Greece is killing the Stock market.. I'm never eating a Gyro or Wearing a Speedo ever again !!!

   Coronavirus task force, "If someone dies with COVID-19 we are counting that as a COVID-19 death."

   Coronavirus be like: "Fine, you don't want to believe in me? I'll teach you a lesson by removing your current president. That'll learn ya!"

   I end all my sentences with "Just saying.." because ending them with "You Idiot .." would probably be considered offensive.

   Hate group gets permit to protest. Anti hate group does not get permit to protest. But the hate group is the criminals for obeying the law.

   I just googled cleveland & google said no matches found the city has disappeared

   Last night was my fault, my wife asked, “what's on the TV?” and ….. I said, “dust!”

   California judge overturns Proposition 8 gay marriage ban. Williams-Sonoma registry server ban. Williams-Sonoma registry server crashes

   "Apparently the University of Kentucky basketball dynasty is to continue forever." - Philadelphia Inquirer, December 23 1954.