Funny Status Messages

   Halloween is the only day out of the year you can have a white van full of little kids and not have your motives questioned.

   If you ever see me drinking alcohol (I don't drink) or see me being a slut (I'm a good girl).......whatever you do, don't stop me.

   'm never sure what to do with my eyes when I'm at the dentist. Do I close them? Do I stare at his face? Do I look at the ceiling?

   checking her list...lots of naughty this year!!

   I probably shouldn't be so good at singing the girl parts to songs.

   rolling pennies again!!

   Forget about walking the talk and talking the walk; it's time to drink the drink.

   My Christmas card this year is going to be a photo of a me in a recliner drinking a beer while watching football. It will say "Happy Holidays from a single guy."

   11:11 I wish- 11:12 OMG I wasn't finished!

   I understand why they call that speech software "Dragon", because their 2 hour commercials Drag-on.

   I will only beg for bacon... nothing else

   since Norman Joseph Woodlawn is dead, I wonder if they're going to put a bar code on his casket

   Well, if you had to grow up with bad food, bad teeth, bad music, and a Euro-Economy....life really is not worth living for.....is it?

   A Woman's Football League would only be interesting to me if its raining and the uniform are white.

   The only thing worse than trying to lose at badminton is trying at badminton.

   There is nothing more awkward then when you take the last open urinal, then everyone else finishes up and leaves except you and the person next to you.

   I've paid for my sins. Now give me my change!

   Do video games cause violence? Why don't you ask these teens kicking all the animals at the petting zoo hoping they burst into coins.

   You ever get that feeling the case of beer is gonna rip and cans go everywhere? Well that just happened to me..

   I walked on to the bar patio and these two hot women started applauding me! or maybe they were just packing their cigarettes?? Naa I'm going with applause Either way it totally made my night!! rj