Funny Status Messages

   Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak...

   Apparently I should have Googled to see how to remove duct tape from my nutsack BEFORE sticking it there. Add that to my list of answers Google cannot find. Ouch. This is not good.

   Jesus H Christ , I thought I just died then ..... but no , facebook was down !! phew......

   Arguing about Facebook is so Myspace.

   Why does a prostitute make more money than  a drug dealer? A Prostitute can clean her crack and sell it again! 

   This status update is a test. It is only a test. Had it been an actual status update, you would have driven staight 2 Taco Bell & eaten a chalupa.

   According to this ancestry dot com report, you come from a long line of fools and their money spent on reports

   Be careful if you are driving around DC this week. Lots of key GOPers are throwing their credibility out the window. That sort of thing could damage innocent passersby.

   My tumbleweed is never where I left it.

   Apparently every time I smoke a cigarette in the house my three-year-old son also smokes one. The crafty little kid.

   My coworker sent me an email that said "Meat me in the breakroom." I thought it was a typo until I saw her standing there naked.

   perfect girls are aint real . . Real girls are aint perfect either

   My wedding ring gives me superpowers...not to cheat.

   wqhen the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie....you're a clumsy astronaut

   Caught an ugly couple kissing at Starbucks. So I interrupted & said, 'You're not planning on having kids, are ya? think ahead'

   I'll never be able to run for President because of what I did for a Klondike Bar.

   A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole …. and she was happy with the Thing.

   I tried an experiment last night I took 3 Caffeine Pills and 3 Tylenol PM's to see who would win, ya caffeine won. I been up for 30 hours.

   Girls are not toys. You cant pick them up and drop them whenever you want.

   127 Hours would have been better if immediately after he cut off his arm the rock shifted and landed on his foot.