Funny Status Messages

   if you're gonna be a smart ass, atleast try not to look dumb.

   I'm fed up with my brain remembering crap I'd like to forget and forgetting crap I'd like to remember!

   Anybody else have a turkey hangover?

   homework ; do me now! facebook ; don't listen to that slut.

   I'm not superstitious. Stitious, yes, but not in a heightened sense. I am, however, super lazy sometimes.

   If you see any grown man with beads at the end of his braids, please knock his azz TF out

   Parents: You can help fight childhood obesity by stop feeding your child, fatty foods!!

   They say heavy Cell phone use causes brain cancer. Fellas this is a great excuse when she ask why you ain't pick up

   “I changed. People change.” - Michael Jackson

   I tried it & it worked! It gived me your mothers address

   When you stop looking thru the distorted mirror held up for you in this world- it provides a measure of clarity which is refreshing! But the downside is you actually see how; distasteful, counterfeit, society is currently... objectively determined values

   Vacations are a great way to spend thousands of dollars to stare at your phone in exotic locations.

   Sex bruises are good bruises!

   Here's my cup of care \_/ Oh look. It's empty.

   A cop pulled me over and said "I need your license, I need your insurance and I need your registration!" I said "What about ME & my NEEDS!?"

   It's fitting to have Wrestlemania on April Fools Day..

   I still hate peeps

   Whenever I have a truck driver call me asking for directions I just start making sh*t up. I still wonder if that guy ever found Kaka Street.

   Tweakers tend to use Five Hour Energy's dirty cousin, Five Inch Line Energy.

   The correct measurement of toilette paper is from the dispenser to the floor for two-ply, and dispenser to the floor with a half turn for single.