Funny Status Messages

   When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"

   drinking shots with Miley Cyrus! Hope she dosent make a song about it.

   Rated E for every one!!! wait.......

   t is my sincere hope that your day is full of love and that you are a positive influence on the people who look up to you. It is also my sincere hope that Perez Hilton pours kerosone all over himself, down his throat and in his socks & immolates himself

   To err is divine. To blame it on someone else shows presidential potential.

   Where the heck is that "Polka" button Facebook that everyone keeps talking about?! I have my accordian and am ready to boogie.

   Value has a value ONLY if its value is valued . . .

   If you cant beat them, put a few drops of Visine in their coffee.

   No word in the English language rhymes with month.

   Almost casted for "The Biggest Loser", when I found out it wasn't the lose weight show, totally got pissed..

   Mmmm, plumpkins..

   Be yourself beautiful, and you will find the world full of beauty

   I'm sorry Baby, that's gravity. I can't help it that I'm physically attracted to you

   brakes for unicorns.

   I plan to only eat aberdeen angus beef for every meal in January. aberdeen angus beef that has been slain by my hands. my BARE hands!

   An ideal mind is a devil's workshop...mine is a warehouse!

   A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

   Dont sh!t where you eat...A friendly reminder brought to you by The Stop Being A Dumb@ss Association.

   going for Gold in the Men's Uphill Giant Slalom....Gravity is a B*tch!

   as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room ful of rocking chairs.