Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon My wife spilled iced coffee in her lap and asked if I’d like some pumpkin spice twatte.
←Rate | 10-10-2021 15:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Recipes should include photos of the mess you have to clean up afterwards.
←Rate | 10-10-2021 15:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Someone told me that they had a little seizure and I had to resist saying pizza, pizza.
←Rate | 10-10-2021 15:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo Juliette Oscar Echo Bravo India Delta Echo November.
←Rate | 10-10-2021 15:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Exercising is basically hurting yourself until you build up an immunity to hurting yourself.
←Rate | 10-10-2021 15:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Starting a new job feels like you’re a new character on the ninth season of a tv show.
←Rate | 10-10-2021 15:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon October is about trees revealing colors they’ve hidden all year. People have an October as well.
←Rate | 10-10-2021 15:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The only thing better than being wh¡te, is being wh¡te AND Italian. Buona festa di Cristoforo Colombo.
←Rate | 10-10-2021 13:46 by Mangiare Comments (0)  

   messageicon Instead of talking about who isn't paying their fair share of taxes, let's talk about where all of our taxes are being spent.
←Rate | 10-10-2021 10:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The latest dose of social media insanity comes to us via the TikTok inspired 'Slap A Teacher' Challenge. Good ol' TikTok... where never before has the Lowest Common Denominator been so well represented.
←Rate | 10-08-2021 13:08 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Stop folding your fitted sheets. Roll them up into a ball like the rest of us.
←Rate | 10-08-2021 11:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was raised catholic which means I have to close my eyes when I peel a banana.
←Rate | 10-08-2021 08:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon “You know who else briefly went offline this week?” -Youth pastor
←Rate | 10-08-2021 08:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I keep two glasses on my bedside table at night: a glass of water and an empty one, because sometimes, when I wake up, I’m not thirsty.
←Rate | 10-08-2021 08:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Driving down the road and saw my ex-wife. Funny how “I’d hit that” changes meaning over the years
←Rate | 10-08-2021 08:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dr. House would’ve solved this covid crap in 20 minutes flat.
←Rate | 10-08-2021 08:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The decline of civilization started when they stopped putting toys in boxes of cereal.
←Rate | 10-08-2021 08:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Bedbugs have been found in government buildings in Washington D.C. I can’t believe they have to deal with those blood-sucking pests. Poor bedbugs.
←Rate | 10-08-2021 08:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Need to know if you’ve been the victim of identity theft? Give me your social security number and I’ll check for you
←Rate | 10-08-2021 08:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon No thanks, $40 haunted house. I can watch the news and get scared any time for free.
←Rate | 10-08-2021 08:15 Comments (0)  

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