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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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..... He floats like a burrerfly and stings like a bee ..... I wish a Happy 70th ... to Muhammad Ali
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01-17-2012 17:29
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saw a banana peel in the road today and instinctively swerved to miss it, thanks Mario Kart!
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06-11-2010 01:25 by
Pineapple
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Whitney Houston may always love you but I will not! Not after you slept with my sister
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06-28-2010 18:49
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Feminists. If you hate men so much, why are you always trying to be like us?
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07-21-2010 17:17
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Their is a perfect girl 4 everyone!! I think mine died at birth
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12-15-2009 13:50
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When life hands you lemons, squirt the juice in your eye..the stinging sensation will stop your whining.
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02-22-2010 15:30
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I don't know why we just don't take a bunch of nukes and level the middle east and those towel heads once and for all
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04-15-2013 16:54 by
hihuggiehi
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They should just make Sarah Palin pope. She can see heaven from her back yard.
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02-12-2013 10:53 by
YoMomma
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Fun idea: Not got kids? Hire a babysitter anyway, say kid is asleep upstairs and not to be woken. On your return ask where your child is.
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10-16-2011 20:34 by
Brandon500xl
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Some countries have evolved and become more civilized while some still have monarchies (looking at you inbreeding Brits).
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07-27-2013 06:17
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I'll have a coke please . Hhmmm is Pepsi ok ? Hhmm how about no ! Is monopoly money ok ?
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02-09-2011 15:46 by
abbybaby34
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Roses are red, violets are blue, friend requests are good but who the hell are you?!?
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01-27-2011 18:01
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I bang my snooze button so often and hard it's probably pregnant...
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02-24-2011 12:29 by
H-Town
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R.I.P. Osama Bin Laden - World Hide and Seek champion 2001-2011.
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05-02-2011 11:21
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Does anyone else think "Global warming" is just wordplay and code for "The Human Infestation Problem"
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05-10-2011 11:17
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Dear gas prices, I love it when you go down on me. Sincerely, pretty please?
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03-09-2011 02:09 by
@DonSixx
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This status update you are reading is brought to you by your psychological addiction to Facebook. If you don't believe you are an addict, then why did you finish reading this status update......?
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07-20-2011 02:21 by
Danmanz
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Teacher: What comes after 69? Smart-a$$ Student: Mouthwash.
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09-11-2011 11:51
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old enought to know better...but young enough not to give a rats ass
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12-16-2009 15:18 by
becca :)
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Well....looks like we got a "typical man" snow forecast....... they exaggerated about the inches and overestimated long it was going to last.
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01-29-2010 16:44
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