Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Afroman was going to vote. But then he got high..

   Why do we call it passing gas? Who are we passing it to? Let's just call it offering up a preview of our pending crap.

   The Boston Marathon explosion is a terrible tragedy, but what bugs me is all the stupid FB people sitting eating doritos now postinf stupid candle photos and thoughts and prayer crap, get off your butts and make it a safer world

   I started my new abs workout tonight. I did 25 crunches while sitting on the toilet. I gotta cut back on the cheese. Oh yeahhh, feel the burn... ツ

   "wondering what flavor milkshake ""brings all the boys to the yard"""

   Ladies: Stop looking for a man to sweep you off your feet.....Sweeping is your job.

   Why is sperm white!!????? Because if it was black it wouldn't be able to swim

   Twerking and selfie have been officially added to the dictionary. Future and Optimism have been removed.

   UP for The Undertaker. DOWN for John Cena.

   Statistically you are more likely to die from being in Lynyrd Skynyrd than from Ebola.

   Yo Bi%ch, you hate your parents so much that you have to post it on Facebook. Orphans cry hearts out to have such loving and caring parents. Love your Parents.

   Don't you love when you put a load in the dishwasher and it swallows?

   FB needs to change it's status to, "It's Complicated!"

   On a walk, my son saw a pay phone, asked what it was. I made him look it up on his Iphone..

   In only 366 days, I will be one year clean and sober.cheers,!

   Don't do the crime, if you can't handle the anal.

   Question of the day: If cannibals argue with each other, is it considered a food fight?

   The 3 C's of life…Choice, Chance, Change...Make the Choice to take the Chance if you want to Change.!!!

   Irony would be Arnold having an illegitimate son named John Conner

   Fellas: If you're playing with your X-Box all day, she'll break up with you and some dude will be playing with your ex's box all night.