Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If you’re prepared to spend 1/3 of your day wiping goo that could’ve been secreted by a Xenomorph or a child, parenting is for you.

   What I learned in high school: If you lose the game, don't dump Gatorade on the coach's head.

   Sometimes you just have to throw away a few sheets of perfectly good printer paper so it can hide all the Halloween fun-size candy wrappers in your trash can.

   Sorry I kicked off the mirrors to your car, but "Fight Song" came on.

   Eating four slices of chocolate-peanut butter pie in one sitting is not the greatest idea I ever had. But it's close.

   I can speak only two languages Body and English.

   Apparenty drawing a moustache on a coma patient, does not lighten the mood of their relatives

   smiling to increase his face value

   thinks that friends help you move but real friends help you move bodies.

   a weapon of mass distraction

   I Believe in GOD, but When It Comes To Cross The Street, I Look Both Ways !!!

   Today President Obama gave a major speech where he defended his handling of the economy. And there were tons of people in the audience, you know, since nobody had to be at work.

   laughing at your pictures

   I'll keep my guns, my freedom & my money. You can keep the "change" !

   what do a shingle and a fat girl have in common?.......98% chance will be nailed by a mexican.

   If you fart while you're peeing on your significant other, it's called a golden thunderstorm.

   If anything should offend you about Starbucks, it's the price of their coffee.

   So... the elephant says to the camel "why do you have 2 boobs on your back?" the camel replies "that's a pretty stupid question coming from someone who has a dlck on his face"

   The White House Tuesday argued "President Barack Obama's "steady diplomacy" had made America stronger and renewed its moral authority in his first year in office"..............WOW that kool aide they drink IS Powerful STUFF!!

   Witnessing such a massive destruction in Japan, and so many lives taken in seconds should make us think about how fragile we are. God have mercy on us.