Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Son: what’s the term for animals that come out in the dark? Me: party?

   Her: What sign are you most compatible with? Me: Krispy Kreme's hot and ready sign.

   With my luck, I'll be reincarnated as me again...

   She is like a low profile tire, sexy, but gonna cost you a bunch of money.

   Whoever said "Never leave that till tomorrow which you can do today" knew how to log out of facebook.

   Saving Private Ryan but it’s just me retrieving my daughters favourite toy that she’s dropped down the toilet

   Marriage is saying “they’re both the same” while secretly knowing that one bowl of ice cream is slightly better than the other bowl of ice cream

   How come when ur wife's pregnant all her female friends rub her tummy & say 'congratulations!' but nobody rubs your balls saying 'good job'?

   Pin Up Boards - A good reminder to let you know you're getting old or that you have too much Sh*t going on in your life that you need to remember!!!

   How can you look at some of the people you see in Wal-Mart and still believe in Intelligent Design?

   Me and my band 'The Black Eyed Teeth' are releasing our new single 'I've got a filling'

   This has not been a good time for crzed dictators. First Saddam, then Osama, Charlie Sheen better hide!!!

   Scheming and presenting an outward appearance of good while concealing its opposite...... The sign of the hypocrite.

   Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

   going to give you a super poke! Now my finger hurts, thanks!

   pɐǝɥ ʎɯ oʇ ƃuıuunɹ sı poolq ʎɯ ɟo llɐ

   had fun before. This isn't it!

   The FIA are constantly looking for ways to slow down modern Formula 1 cars, why haven't they tried wrapping hair and fluff around the rear wheel axles? It used to work on my Scalextric

   now regrets his attempt to see how many bananas he could eat in 10 mins

   The playground for success is a mere paradox to the reality in which we live