Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   No need to make faces in pics. You're ugly enough as it is.

   writes apology to 90's hip hop for the words he never gave to his mother.

   I like to read magazines about parenting. That way, I can learn all the things my parents did wrong when they raised me, and I can go back to them and say "See? This is the reason I am like I am."

   Has anybody told Squirrels about crosswalks?

   Got passed by a Smart car today, and now I'm wondering where I can pick up a stronger set of balls.

   When we grow old and become mature enough to live happily, we die.

   Don't you find it suspicious that success and myself are never in the same place at the same time?

   The only thing I’ve ever passed is out.

   After looking at the faces in the crowds at the Vatican City... The Catholics have now agreed to birth control...

   Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone! The day when everybody gets together and pretends they're Irish. Except the Irish... they pretend they're sober.

   What a gorgeous day to walk around outside staring at my phone.

   If you saunter in front of my car like there's no rush while I politely wait for you, I will continue to wait in quiet rage. Take that!

   I’m so glad I found you in all this wreckage of a planet.

   If you controlled them they wouldn't be impulses aymore now would they

   Age is just a number ...and mine is unlisted .

   The only resolution I've ever managed to stick with, was when I resolved not to make resolutions I can't stick with.

   Facebook... because moving your fingers is almost like doing something.

   Eat s hit and live! - dung beetles

   I'm fairly patient. I can wait 5 seconds for you to respond to my text.

   If you look up Shizzle in the dictionary you'll find a picture of me pondering what kind of an idiot would look up Shizzle in a dictionary.