Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Does anyone think that Snooki's latest "Disorderly Conduct at the Beach" have to do with her stomach being out?

   After getting out of bed and not seeing the shoe that one of my dogs left in hallway, I have come to the conclusion that gravity is a b!tch.

   sublimawesomeinal...

   facebook is having its epic fail at this very moment!

   bp should practice what they preach, Seen at every BP gas station is a sign that reads "Do not leave pumps unattended, you are responsible for spills"...

   rejects your reality and substitutes his own properly medicated version.

   1 potato 2 potato 3 potato phhhhwooahhhhh

   smiling cause the little voices inside his/her head is whispering again and it tickles

   you never really know a man until you have divorced him.

   Ali Baba and the forty thieves are now Ali Baba and the thirty thieves. Ten were laid off

   seriously needs a speed bump between his brain and his mouth!

   doesn't use sunscreen because his lifestyle makes it far more likely his liver, lungs, or heart will deteriorate before his skin

   thinks there are 3 types of people in this world, those that can count and those that cant!

   reporting live from Suburbia. Where they cut down all the trees and name roads after them.

   Better to light one small candle than to curse the darkness."

   fighting racism through his equal hatred of everyone that isn't a beautiful woman.

   last night I was lying in bed looking up at the stars and thinking ... Man, I really got to fix my roof!!

   will not be updating his status today..

   Likes to practice my "emergency situation" speed at by pretending I'm being chased by zombies or a murderer every time I unlock the door or start the car at night.

   My foot has been in pain ever since I stepped on a box of breath mints. My doctor told me I have Tic-Tac toe.