Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I just saw an advertisement for a singles site that read, “Meet sincere singles over 40”. Thank you, but no thank you, as I'm in search of a deceitful woman...again.....

   I should have a breathalyser attached to my Facebook account to stop me posting under the influence

   thinks that the phrase "home sweet home" was coined by the witch from Hansel and Gratel.

   Just think, the one for you is walking the earth right now! Probably in a zoo somewhere

   This situation calls for a barrel roll.

   If At First You Don't Succeed ... Blame Someone Else ... And Seek Counseling.

   I bet the people that are posting all the funny new Super Bowl Ads days before the game are the same people that post info about a new movie they just saw. Thus spoiling it for the rest of us.

   thinks that proofreading is my worst enema.

   thinks that "Ignorance is bliss" is my personal motto because it hasn't steered me wrong and even if it has, how would I know?

   A snake bit me today and my neighbour's wife was kind enough to suck the venom out. Or at least that's what I told my wife when she walked in on us.

   People who constantly think their spouse is always cheating on them..Should just stay single and miserable forever.

   Starting a dating site for people who just want someone to take a walk with after a big meal.

   All old ladies will answer to the name "Bev." Try it out if you don't believe me.

   Dinner guests coming over later and I forgot to take something out. Does anyone know how to turn beef jerky back into steaks?

   With great power comes a great electricity bill.

   If money's tight this holiday season, a handmade card or gift is a lovely way to say, "Here's a present you won't like."

   If at first you don't succeed, Google it, and see if someone else screwed it up the way you did.

   A woman never shot a man while he was doing dishes.

   People who say "think outside the box" should be forbidden from ever judging other people's creativity.

   Apparently Wayne Rooney has visited Fabrice Muamba in hospital. "It's great, he can almost string a sentence together" said Fabrice.....