Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   All the clowns hated the one female clown because it took forever to get everyone in and out of the car every 30 minutes for her to pee.

   My Wife was reading the newspaper this morning and yelled "Honey, the sales add says the dealership will make it easy to get a new car for your spouse this weekend!"..... Me: "Actually that sounds like a pretty good trade."

   I make my coffee so strong it wakes the neighbors up....

   Children of divorce like to complain, yet I'm the one who had to deal with both parents day in and day out.

   Some women wear so much makeup that it takes everything I have not to honk their nose.

   It's almost noon and still nobody has peeled me a grape. Worst. Father's Day. Ever.

   If time is money Facebook owes me like...29 billion dollars...

   Bought a new boomerang today but I'm having trouble throwing away the old one.

   I wonder if Guinness has a world record for "number of times you've had the exact same argument".

   I look forward to paying off all my debt so I can get back to just being broke

   Flexible people are lucky, when they feel a lack of praise, they can bend over and kiss their own asses :P

   i keep arguing with myself.. sometimes I wish I would just shut up and mind my own business!

   Even if you live alone, deodorant is not a waste of good money! I'm just sayin'.

   going rabbit hunting

   why do they call them Booby traps when there are no Boobs invlolved?

   I never got the expression "complete idiot". Ermm....Is there an Incomplete version?

   Dear haters: "Thank you for reminding me that I'm everything that you can never be"

   My closest relationship is with my phone.

   sometimes I wanna smack the hell outta a cyclist with my mirror..

   It seems like in movies, when they want a female to look older, they just cut her hair.