Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Listening intently... Listening intently... Listening intently... "... and then my boyfriend..." Dead to me.

   I have abad feeling we're going to pay for Taylor Swift's poor Grammy results...

   The best part of Valentine"s day is no more Vermont teddy bear BIG HUNKA LOVE BEAR commercials.

   Maybe homeless people are just hardcore campers.

   i keep getting all these popups...if this lasts 4 hours, I'm gonna have to visit WebMD

   I would NOT have done well in the military. I’d always be saying things like “SIR LET’S JUST AGREE TO DISAGREE SIR!!!”

   Amazing how you can be first and everything and then last and nothing.....all with a blink of an eye..I hate video games!!

   it just me or are Dating sites costing more than a date now? I just want to go back to the day of throwing a rock and dragging her off her feet.

   Had to sit down half-way through peeling a hard-boiled egg.

   Best way to realize if you have a stupid idea is to consider who agrees with it and who doesn't.

   So is everyone Irish yet?

   I’m not saying she’s a slut, but she’s been banged more times than a snooze button on Monday morning.

   Does law enforcement ever look down at their utility belt and think, "I'm not batman, what the fuck am I doing with all this stuff?"

   Your bra is the biggest liar I know.

   if these damned Mayans are wrong, I'm gonna owe a lot money and will definitely have to return the Lamborghini!!

   This getting up at a time I don't want to get up and going to a place I don't want to be is really starting to feel like work.

   Tyler Swift should just accept that she is a total failure at relationships.

   If you watch Tarzan with your eyes closed, it's just Phil Collins singing in the jungle.

   sometimes I put hot sauce in the ketchup bottles at work

   I don't use a lot of hand sanitizer because I'm a germaphobe. I just like everyone to think that I'm hatching a dastardly plan ツ