Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   You make me want to be a drunker person

   You had me at "what does wrong hole mean"?

   Once upon a time, I used to care what people said about me.

   Must be giraffe hunting season or something ....

   Pretty sure my dog would make a horrible astronaut because space is a vacuum and those tend to scare her

   New Rule: If it fits in a handbag it's not a dog

   “First time caller, long time listener”—Alexander Graham Bell

   Kim Kardashian announced that she and Kanye West are expecting their second child. They say they don’t care whether it’s a boy or girl just as long as it’s famou

   Having watched the entire season of a show before me doesn't make you better than me, it makes you more unemployed than me

   So 50 Cent is all he's worth now?

   A search party sounds like a fun way to look for someone.

   One day...Ima log onto social media and not see anything Kardashian/Jenner related. One day..

   I have come to the conclusion that all women are bipolar. Thats the only sensible explanation.

   I didn't sign up for the 401K at work. There is no way I can run that far in the shape I'm in.

   Whenever a wrong number calls me and hangs up I always call em back and tell them it was their loss because I'm really fun to talk to.

   Slowly, Waldo's wife and Mr. Sandiego started putting the pieces together.

   I want a girl that likes long romantic walks. Because I don't have a car.

   I gave up on life when I picked up this girls phone and saw my contact name as "Free Food".

   Well, I've come to the conclusion that nobody can tell me how to get to Sesame St. . .

   Relationship status : Taken (for granted)