Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Some of the greatest relationship tips come from watching CSI.

   If I notice you've lost weight and ask what your secret is, and you say, "Diet & exercise!" I will punch you in your skinny face.

   Justin Bieber has planned a trip to space. He's going to boldly go where everyone wants him to stay.

   The tattoos girls lower back should all read; "This Side Up."

   I’m drinking because you’re talking.

   No one needs a vacation from me more than me.

   Wine is a fruit, right?!

   Don’t let a bad day make you feel like you have a bad life.

   I've decided not to get married until somebody asks

   HELPFUL HINT: Table saws work on other stuff too, not just tables,, for example,,, I have two couches now.

   I have heard of videos going viral, but now it hurts when I pee..

   If you don't want me to bring party hats and confetti, don't include the word 'party' in "Search Party."

   BRIAN ESSBE 8 hours ago If Lance Armstrong and Oscar Pistorius have taught us anything, it's don't trust athletes with missing body parts

   Whoever made murder illegal seriously did everyone I know a huge favor.

   Mo’ money, mo’ problems. This explains why I don’t have problems.

   Sometimes I think I'm pretty cool but then I remember plants can eat sunlight and poop out oxygen.

   When pronouncing my name, the "Hey A sshole" is silent.

   They just caught your girlfriend on river monsters

   it just me or has this World Cup been on for like 149 years?

   my nephew turns 3 this august but since money tight we just not gone tell him