Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I'm in a weird place mentally. And physically. And geographically

   I bet Hell has the same toilet paper as airports.

   Whoever named pterodactyls is pterrible at naming things

   All the celebrities have released their own fragrance so I decided to release mine too...now the wife is disgusted with me again.

   Oh yeah!! Well, if smoking weed destroys your short-term memory, then what does smoking weed do?

   It really does show how far we've come when you no longer need to wear a scarf to fly a plane.

   I'll believe the President cares about net neutrality when he tells us if we like our internet provider, we can keep it.

   Yesterday someone gave me a piece of "humble pie''.....Mine tastes better.

   Happy March 14, Steak and BJ day. Thanks Tom Birdsey!!!

   I come up with the best ideas when sitting on the toilet then forget them after the flush.

   In other news, 科 研成果 迅速 转化为生产力 是这个特!

   Pouring out a jar of marshmallow fluff. For my Peeps.

   Whoever decided this Halloween candy is the "fun" size is not someone I care to party with.

   I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.

   waiting alone in the car; Everyone outside automatically becomes a rapist...

   The 'unlike' button is the closest we are ever gonna get to a 'dislike' button.

   "Will you just be doing simple abductions? Do you need soundproofing? Shackle package?" - van salesman

   Someone told me a while back. Your not in a relationship unless its official on Facebook. I just wanted to slap em right there.

   I'm too self centered to be a stalker.

   What? Wait! You mean you can log out?