Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   enough about what's on my mind, what's on yours?

   An awkward morning beats a boring night.

   Know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change, but pretty soon...everything's different.

   Hallmark Card: "I've always wanted someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind."

   Just been to the gym and there's a new machine there. I only used it for about an hour, as I started to feel sick, but it's great: it's got KitKats, Mars bars, crisps and everything in it

   People who drink light 'beer' don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot.

   always proof read to make sure you dont any of the words out

   I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?

   needs a hero! If not then at least a BLT....I'm hungry.

   Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela

   We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.

   I started playing the new Facebook game, Oilville, but now I can't make it stop.

   Every Morning I wake up and think, "Don't let it slip about Darth Vader being Luke's Dad." It's hard having a 5 year old who doesn't KNOW.

   not a Russian spy; regardless of what the news says!

   If you've seen one child on a leash, you've seen a mall

   We have so much in common. You want to travel . . . I want you to go . . .

   ...is about as useful today as an appendix transplant...

   How come Batman doesn't sleep upside down?

   When somebody says "I'm really bad with directions," that translates to me as "I'm too stupid to read road signs."

   I like to screw with the customer service girl at Kroger.I go to the coinstar machine and put in 74 cents and then take the receipt to customer service just to see the look on her face!