Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Live as if your were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.

   Its funny how Listen and Silent are spelled with the same letters

   if everyone looked like their celebrity doppelganger and really matched their urbandictionary meaning, I could eat butterflies and poop rainbows.

   Thanks to the Interstate Highway System, it is now possible to travel from coast to coast without seeing anything

   watching the Time Traveler's Wife with my Wife. We Both Cried at the End. But We Both Cried for Different Reasons!"

   Doctors tell us there are over seven million people who are overweight. These, of course, are only round figures.

   In video games I always get killed by the black zombies, and I can't shoot 'em because of the r acism thing.

   Of course Russia was evil,,, They sent a dog up into space,,,,,, Everyone Knows that dogs HATE vacuums

   It's a a romantic hotel hideaway. Until someone has to poo.

   Man that wind is really blowing hard out. I seen a chicken lay the same egg three times..

   Keep Calm and....and who am I kidding just Kick Ass!

   Halo 4 comes out on election day? I hope my wife tells me who won the election....i'll be busy for the next week or so!

   Marry the person who makes you forget about Facebook and thank them for saving your life.

   When I need you, I just close my eyes and down some painkillers with a glass of wine - and suddenly I don`t need you anymore.

   I wish people would just listen to my advice. I have invested many years f*cking shlt up so you don't have to.

   If Miley Cyrus wore a g-string, you'd still be able to see the string.

   I'm pretty sure twerking is mentioned somewhere in the book of Revelations

   I don't think the country that sells Dolly Madison Pink Frosted Zingers should be preaching about using chemical weapons on people.

   I'm gonna fill a piñata with actual animal guts ! That's what I call a surprise party kids !

   It's been a good Mothers Day only negative is mom didn't finish the 7 pound omelette challenge so she had to pay for breakfast.