Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Whenever I see people lined up outside a club on Friday night, I just think "look at all these poor people who don't know Netflix exists."

   By thigh gap you mean the distance between the KFC and my mouth right.

   I went cow-tipping at Old Country Buffet.

   Live in the moment. Unless the moment sucks. Then live on Facebook.

   Keep eating your french fries with a fork, psycho.

   Either I've sat in a cottage pie or that was not a fart.

   a friend's kid accidentally stuck their cat in the dryer. my friend was all sad about it so I sung the sad song....soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur.....the song didn't help at all

   They're all cop cars when you're this high.

   your actions don't have a backspace button, choose them wisely

   thinks some women end up getting excited over nothing... then they end up marrying him

   There's a time and place for everything. It's called college.

   anger is only one letter short of danger

   I don't need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better.

   Dear complicated life decisions: be easier.

   Do you have to fly to go get one of those TSA airport pat-downs? Just asking

   no idea what I am doing...................................but when I do it I drink Dos Equis!

   You know its going to be a rough day when you wake up on the wrong side of someone else's bed and don't remember how you go there.

   "It sure is nice to not be out shopping." - sane people

   I don't hold grudges. I simply maintain them until you apologize or admit that you are wrong.

   I like my woman like I like my eggs....overeasy.