Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Heads up folks. Apparently the little AAA stickers don't count as "proof" of insurance. That is all...

   Anti-Birth Control Christians should remember that when G0d said 'Be fruitful & multiply' there were only 2 ppl on Earth.

   "No, I'm not talking about Twitter. I literally want you to follow me." - Jesus

   I'm celebrating black history month by playing Pokemon black version. You know, gotta catch Jamal!

   When I'm old & my friends start dying off, I'll probably go the funerals, stand over the caskets, & whisper "I won."

   As you Mature, you learn that you cannot make someone love you!.....All you can do is Stalk them and hope they panic and give in!!!

   #ThatMomentOfPanic when the 2 year old's parent asks, "Who hurt you", and the child points at you..............FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK!!!!!!

   To all the people who failed out of high school, just remember two things: 1) At least you tried your best, and 2) I said NO tomatoes on my burger, b!tch!

   I have a reoccurring nightmare that I am startled by bank robbers who shout "EVERYBODY GET DOWN!" and I get shot in the face for dancing.

   the cops came to my house earlier, claiming that my dog had chased someone on a bike. I said "Piss off, my dog doesn't have a bike!".

   True love is hard to find, sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a goddamn magic show ready to double team your girlfriend...

   I think Fb is stupid. Last time I tried changing my password to penis and Fb said it 'wasn't long enough'. How the hell do they know?

   What's this ♫♪ 'Crazy little thing called Love'? People say ♪♫ 'Love will keep us alive' but then ♪♫ 'Too much love will kill you'.... now 'I want to know what love is'. ♪♫

   wondering what the weather's like in India. I think i'll call my bank.

   Girls that are 16 and pregnant may look stupid now.. But their kids will move out when they are 34.

   Kids today don’t know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel by using a dial.

   A recent survey indicates that nobody knows anyone anywhere who has ever participated in a recent survey.

   If your man keeps cheating on you with the same woman, humble yourself and go ask her for advice.

   I was in a bar when a girl called me a cheapskate. So I threw her drink in her face.

   "Kicking butt and forgetting names!" - Alzheimer's Fight Club