Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Notice: Thank you for noticing this notice. Your noticing this notice has been noticed.

   robs tip for students #546- Teachers know when you're texting. Sincerely, No one just looks down at their crotch and smiles

   Sometimes, I think facbook doesn't know me at all. People You May Know? I don't know any of these MoFo's!!!

   There's plenty of room for all God's creatures... right next to the mashed potatoes.

   Password retrieval question: "What is the square root of a pineapple?" Hack that biatch!

   sings "I want to be a hundredaire so freaking bad"

   A woman walked into the pharmacy and asked for some batteries. The pharmacist gestured with his index finger and said,"Come this way." The woman replied, "If I could come that way, I wouldn't need the batteries!"

   Eskimo: "If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?" Priest: "No, not if you did not know." Eskimo: "Then why did you tell me?"

   I read that the first vibrator was created to cure women who had hysteria....So I guess they created the first vacuum hose to cure men high blood pressure...

   Due to the amount of spam by a high number of people playing this number game, I will now block/hide every person from my newsfeed who is doing this.. You have killed our newsfeed with personal msgs and spam. This is not twitter, so please stop

   unfriended several people. Apparently the whole "other people can see what you say on here" concept doesn't resonate with them.

   says Real Men of Genius....Today we salute you, Mr. Compulsive Status Update Checker.

   hears the call of a lonely Crown Royal bottle. It's OK little buddy, I'll keep you company...

   You know the bars are closing when you see drunk girls in high heels walking down the street with the grace of newborn baby giraffes.

   In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is damn bacteria.

   Insurance costs are so outrageous the only healthcare most Americans can afford is from Dr. Pepper.

   Just found out What the Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"

   When someone is bringing more sorrow than happiness into your life, it's time to show them the exit door.

   Being an Ahole to chicks to get rid of them is like menstruating to get rid of bears.

   Just lost my job at the funeral, I guess I'm just not a mourning person