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If you're not getting laid then bragging about being single and not in a relationship is pretty fckuing pointless. 
4000 women in Scotland may have breast implants with silicone intended for mattresses. Imagine. Boobs with memory foam and sleep numbers.
EGSG «—- Scrambled eggs
If your coffee order is more than six words long, including "thank you," I hope a raccoon rummages through your a$$hole.
People who don't like bacon cannot be trusted, end of story.
When you ladies aren't home, us guys use your d!ldos to mix paint and do manly stuff with it, like put it to our Adams Apple and make prank calls.
My girlfriend smokes when we have sex..but we use lube now..
"I LIKE BIG BUTTS and I cannot lie" - homeless guy digging in the huge outdoor ashtray at my work.
Be choosey about who you let into your life and be selective about who you let stay.
saw clash of the titans last night, my mother in law won the battle.
I'm installing plywood doors in my house so I can karate chop them down like a badass when I enter each room.
Dear Mr 21st Century Public Bathroom Door Maker,..... am really tired of having to duck and dodge people when am on the JOHN taken care of busniess can you please make a FULL SIZE DOOR without any DOOR CRACKS on the sides!!!!! gee thanks!!
Google just returned 3,250,000,000 results for my search. Cancel my afternoon appointments.
You never lose by loving . You always lose by holding back !!
Back in my day, evolution simply meant a more badass Pokemon.
On Dasher, on Dancer, on Mastercard, on Visa.
why is that everything is the same day by day, but in 5 years everything is so different?
hates shoving snow...is there an app for that?
Winter always reminds to think ahead for the springtime...meaning...gotta find somewhere to hide the bodies when the snow thaws.......
The dogbone cutout cookies didn't exactly keep their shape after baking. What am I going to do with 12 dozen double pe#is shaped cookies?
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