Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Cake is better than sex because cavities are better than babies

   I'm a Mexican but not a "I'm driving around the city with out car insurance" Mexican..

   I will do a lot of things but admitting I'm cold to my wife who told me to bring a warmer jacket isn't one of them...

   Women suck at buying gifts for their man because they spend 95% of their time shopping for themselves.

   I didn't hump anything on Hump Day, but I did throw my back out on Throwback Thursday, so I got to be mildly ironic.

   Some ducks landed on the grounds where I work yesterday. It was interesting to see them practicing teenage girls' faces.

   how long does it take possums to realize when one of them are actually dead?

   Its 2014, I shouldnt have to rip open my tampon wrapper with my teeth.

   Those that still can't believe it's not butter have margarinal faith.

   Today some celebrate Cinco de Mayo, but not me! ..Today I celebrate "International Overindulgence of Alcohol Day"! "May a Fifth be with you!"

   Call me a hoarder if you want but don't come crying to me when you need a 3 foot tall stack of mayonnaise jar labels.

   I need professional help. A chef and a butler should do it.

   "If I could take just one thing to a desert island I probably wouldn't go"

   It's not difficult to tell alligators and crocodiles apart. One will see you later whereas the other will see you in a while.

   Did the widows and Orphans get government funded sexchanges to look like 6 foot bodybuilders?

   "Wrong hole" is a matter of opinion

   in England, "pounds" are money....im not fat, I'm rich

   Jehovah's Witness don't celebrate halloween. I guess they don't like random people coming up to their door.

   If you love someone, make them guess how you feel about them until they get tired and move on to someone else.

   My boyfriend better be glad he isn't real or there would have been a huge fight about the panties I found in my bed that I forgot were mine.