Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   ''What doesn't kill you makes you smaller!'' -ask Super Mario

   I MAY have just clinched Olympic Gold,, by going 5 for 5,,, in my "popping the trunk instead of unlocking the fuel door at the gas station." routine.

   Well, I'm off to check out the Perseid Meteor Shower...Oh, who am I kidding? I'm gonna get drunk, fall over backwards and try to see Uranus.

   Life is too short to buy a cheap toilet seat. Go ahead, get the good one, your a$$ deserves it.

   The NSA says it stopped a Wall Street attack, just not the ginormous ones the bankers perpetrated.

   You won't see my crazy unless I want you to see my crazy. That's how crazy I am.

   If at first you don't succeed, it's probably because you're a failure.

   Instead of an "are you sure you want to delete?" confirmation notice, there should be a "are you sure you want to post this, you frickin idiot?" notice.

   what does a nosey pepper do? Gets Jalapeno business.

   So let me get this straight. There's a War on Women but no War on Terror? Hey guys, little less focus on the labia little more on Libya.

   So there's a t.v. show called, It's Me or the Dog?.. I was disappointed to find out its not a game show where people guess who farted

   Those who say sex is not everything are usually not good at it anyways.

   When a politician says, we're all sitting in the same boat, it means he wants to play captain and we shall rowe.

   When a skinny girl always says "I'm fat" do you ever feel like saying you're skinny and you know it but your insecurity is not attractive so a fat girl with confidence makes you look unappealing, so start eating!!

   Never trust someone who takes hours to text you back but when you're with them they always have their phone in their hand texting.

   I must confess...I want to get back with my ex..LOL just kidding! I would rather Sh*t in my hand and clap!!!

   I am probably going to start my Christmas shopping this weekend. I am not sure which place is better, the Dollar Store, or the 99 Cent store.

   Don't you love it when you're ipod is about to fall, and your headphones saves its life.

   That moment of happiness when you find out that everyone hates the same person you hate

   An Irishman walks out of a bar... No, really, he walks out.