Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   hey you..............yes you....................stop staring at my status you perv

   Africans finally have the chance to tell the English to go back to their own country!

   Sleeping is my drug, my bed is my dealer, and my alarm clock is the police

   I guess Amish people have to just yell out their status updates... so sad.

   I'm not one to brag, but I deserve a medal. I just rescued a piece of cake that was trapped in the refrigerator.

   O' HAPPY DAYS , first an ice storm followed by a whole month of black history month !

   My GF & I are deeply in love. She loves me for my deep pockets. And I love her for her deep throat.

   Could you guys just scroll a little? I was really funny yesterday.

   So hockey is back, now is time for the fans to go on strike

   I tripped while getting on the escalator and fell down the stairs.....for 2 hours.

   An onion just told me a joke. I don't know whether to laugh or to cry.

   When I was a kid I use to change costumes a few times and revisit houses to get more candy.

   That sense of entitlement, where do I get one of those?

   I watched the footage of Saddam being executed, and it really made me think…is there nothing on the internet that I won't masturbate to?

   Congratulations to all who won in the election and my condolences to all who have lost I wish you all the best in the future. Now please get your damn signs off my street corners. Have a great day.

   if Steve jobs invented the MAC computer, does that make him the original "Mac Daddy"?

   If I ever get a really exotic car I'm going to get a vanity plate that says something like "Bubble King" or "Tuna Money" so people could wonder what the hell I ever did with bubbles or tuna to finance a car like that

   I want that job where you get to push scared skydivers off the plane.

   Are you one of those people that get butt hurt from things posted on Facebook? You can easily avoid that by keeping your ass off of Facebook.

   ust a friendly reminder, there are a minimum of three spiders in your room at all times. Goodnight...