Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   That McRib is McNasty

   Just my luck...I got bit by a retroactive spider instead of a radioactive one! Now I'm making tie dye webs in shapes of pot leaves.

   thinks it's tricky when you're ignoring someone and they ask you if you're ignoring them.

   Virgins... Thanks for nothing...

   can tell you the 5 most unappealing words in the English language... Used Hot Tub For Sale.

   I don't hate you, but I hope you fall in love and get married.

   Name brands really are better... For instance, I just found out that a "Tide pen" will work much better on a stain, then a regular pen.

   Life is like toilet paper, your either on a roll or taking $hit from an a$$hole.

   There is a big difference between a boy and a girl when the sy "I went through a whole box of tissue watching a movie".

   I'm actually a pretty normal person when you ignore the faint cries for help coming from my basement.

   It would be a good day if one could afford to even shoot their Ak ;)

   My favorite part of Thanksgiving day is when I stuff the Bird. My wife enjoys it too but wishes I'd find another nickname for her lady parts.

   Its almost that time kids...Does everyone have their plungers ready?

   FUN PRANK: Purchase any item at a CVS,, and then toilet paper the whole store with your receipt...... TWICE

   I have to be on antibiotics for the next week for an infection. Meanwhile, my yogurt provides a daily dose of probiotics. Now the antibiotics and probiotics will be waging a 7 day Biotic War for control of my insides.

   Maury would be out of business had the polygraph never been invented.

   "Lazy" is a strong word. I prefer to call it selective participation.

   If you're giving me directions, please don't confuse me by using words like north, south, east or west.

   Hip-hop sounds like my grandpa named it.

   Although 2016 was expected, Apple has announced the coming year will only be 2015s.