Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   A guy threw a banana peel out the window into my lane todday... Years of practice paid off and I arrived to work safely. Thank you Mario Kart.

   OK. I can understand why you are mad at me, but the horse I rode in on had nothing to do with it.

   JustinBieber Happy birthday! As a true Belieber, I'll celebrate this day by blasting your songs in my car & driving myself off a cliff.

   my neck, my back, my pizza and my snacks.

   it rude to throw a breathmint in someone's mouth while they are talking??

   Pot luck means bring a bag of chips right?

   "All guys are the same!" Well you should know, You tried them all!!

   Up to this year, there's a reality T.V. show about everything except reality.

   "Watch what the idiots are doing and do the opposite." ~ Robert Kiyosaki

   All the places that can be kissed can also be bitten.

   I miss complaining about the summer heat.

   come to think of it...Rosa Parks never called shotgun

   if you wear the #15 jersey while passing out candy to the kiddies tonight, you're allowed to throw the candy 15 feet above the kids heads. This is known as TEBOWING.

   there has been a new law stating that veils are not to be allowed in the workplace. Bee keepers are furious!

   Sorry But I was just helping that sheep over the fence.

   If I were a dog I'd constantly be thinking "Sure. You can pat me. Whatever. Then you can feed me and maybe later you can pick up my poop".

   If I ever run into the Captain of the Costa Concordia, I'm gonna kick him in the gondola!

   Remember, alcohol is way cheaper than therapy.

   I can't decide if insane people own multiple cats or if owning multiple cats makes people insane.

   It takes two people to fall in love + one to wreck it.