Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   naughty or nice will always depend on....who's asking.

   How old do I have to be before I get this "Adult super-vision" everybody insists I need..... It sounds freakin incredible.

   I don't call it "laziness." I call it "selective participation."

   I don't need a therapist. I already have a bartender.

   My gynocologist needs more windows in this van.

   Thanks to the Chinese people and their stupid superstitious beliefs, our grandchildren are never going to see a live Rhino.

   Remember that Ex that we all thought we’d never get over? What's her name again?

   I like people how I like my coffee... I don't like coffee.

   I'm tired of the government reading all of my stats but never liking any of them </3

   The best conversations happen late at night.

   I wish I had my own private chauffeur. . . . Then I could really commit to being an alcoholic!

   On the advice of my attorney, I plead the 5th on EXACTLY what I did for a Klondike Bar.

   I may not be the guy you're looking for or the guy who you think you would fall in love with, but I deserve a chance to prove you wrong dammit!

   If they played it would be the 1992 ''Dream Team'' vs.2012 ''Keep Dreamin Team''

   I gave $10 to our local Little League team, just to be called an "Athletic Supporter"

   If swimming would just add one shark, I would watch it more than football.

   If any woman says "I love you" to me for the first time, then I have the right to say "Do you have evidence to support that statement?"

   Make your girlfriend scream your name, leave the toilet seat up.

   Wow, the news is blowing up with news of Duchess Kate in labor. You'd think a panda was being born.

   I bet sloths are horrible at foreplay.