Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Note to self......Don't chest bump the elderly.....not a good thing.....trust me on this one...

   Men look at a woman’s behind and think “Wow! What an @zz.” Women look at a man’s face and think the very same thing.

   Although no words have been spoken, I'm pretty sure the dude in the next stall just challenged me to a beat-boxing contest.

   When my wife looks at me she still thinks "I'd hit that", but she is thinking about my face, not my body.

   99% of all lawyers give the rest a bad name.

   know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much.

   seems to have replaced Sex with Food. Now I can't even get in my own pants.

   I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent back a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

   I can't find my "Where's Waldo" book. Looks like he's won before we even started.

   When someone says they know a person just like me and I have to meet them, I know that when I meet them I'll be insulted.

   They're making everything bigger these days. This bus is at least twice as big as the one I rode as a kid.

   while seeking revenge dig 2 graves.....................one for yourself

   Welcome to my wall of shame. You are the latest addition.

   "Careful with fire" is good advice we know. "Careful with words" is ten times doubly so

   If you try and don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.

   Almost everything I've done today has been done like a Rhinestone Cowboy.

   n't it amazing how nice people are to you when they know you're leaving?

   yeah I called her up,she thinks I don't listen to her,or something,I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.

   life is too short for regrets, so stop fighting ur enemies. Just get rid of them altogether. Dead men tell no tales...

   Where there is a Will.............. Put Me In It