Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Don't forget to provide love and support to someone that has absolutely no interest in you today.

   He's street smart. Sesame Street smart.

   Nothing says "party" like a red plastic cup.

   Does it count as necrophilia if she's just dead inside?

   Cop: This is a ticket for drunk and disorderly behavior. Me: Can I have another? I'd like to bring a guest.

   Drinking hasn't killed me, so it must be making me stronger

   Relationship status: Wife says I'm only slightly more useful than the T in Home Depot

   My quest to become a porn star fell a little short...3 inches too short to be exact.

   If you don't do stupid things while you're young, you won't have anything to smile and talk about when you're old

   You're wrong. - First Rule of Right Club

   You don't know me. You don't know my life. You don't know what milk to cereal ratio I prefer.

   Kids today.. I swear they just cant figure shi& out on their own. Its like they need a you tube video to show them how to wipe their As%

   *Buys Mega-Millions ticket, waits to be hit by a comet*

   This bottle of red wine is more mature than me!

   There is always that one person that you think about every night before you go to sleep. But for me its not a person, its pizza.

   Sorry I can't hangout, my phone is only at 61%.

   aaand my friends don't think I'm funny anymore.

   Having a bad Day? Remember there are folks who have their ex's name tattooed on their body

   So don't come to my door wanting to talk about the Lord. I don't come to your door wanting to talk about wine and vibrators, do I?

   Never have Thai food 2x in a row. Its like someone maced your butthole.