Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   i'm convinced marliyn manson and lady gaga are the same person

   Whoever likes mondays; raise your left hand. Good, now use your right hand to slap yourself in the face, stupid.

   I am still disappointed that I was not nominated for a BET award.

   why does LIFE keep teaching me lessons I have no desire to learn?

   A lesson I learned in the hospital... when you push the help call button you might as well pull out a book. But when you masturbate while forgetting you're attached to a heart monitor, it sets off alarms in the nurses station and they show up within secon

   Why do people post that they are cleaning their home on Facebook? Everybody cleans their home so the fact that you are too is not special...What do you want, a cookie?

   When I see professional clowns, mimes, or people who make balloon animals, I think of their relatives and how disappointed they must be.

   last Valentine's Day I was f**king stupid, but this year she's f**king somebody else!

   News flash to all men: contrary to popular belief, driving a cool sports car or a LARGE PICK UP TRUCK does not make your penis any bigger.

   I went to my acupuncturist today. He told me to take two thumbtacks and call him in the morning.

   I don't wanna be loved I just wanna quickie No bite marks, no scratches, and no hickeys !

   Dear Lord, please give me the strength to forgive those who put LOL in their status updates

   NBA players support China despite violating the human rights of its citizens but protests when a thug gets what he deserves...

   "Let's have a march to show our hate and give speeches about love!" Women

   "Hi I'm Kayne West! I survive on your attention. Give me your attention. Hey where you going...I need you attention..."

   Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural when there are two boobs but only one butt?

   If your boyfriend isn't strong enough to pick you up and pin you up against the wall, you have a girlfriend

   do we have any world leaders or are they to busy playing golf ,pool and drinking beer ?

   we need to go back to the belt, sorry I mean the basics when raising these kids.

   I would rather massage my urethra with a cactus than hear that Pharrell song about being Happy