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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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Fellas, you can usually judge a woman's hotness by how many times your girlfriend calls her a slut.
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05-26-2012 17:43 by
Marshall the Great
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WWlll is coming. Get your temple in order. And stop believing the media. All media is responsible for the way you think.
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04-06-2013 03:33 by
TRUTH
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Girls have periods, cramps, babies, and everything else. The least a guy could do is text her first
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05-31-2013 21:22 by
BEGO
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I saw a group of kids trying to put another kid into a dumpster. I had to step in, they couldn't even lift him. We high-fived & laughed.
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08-10-2012 16:21 by
SEAN
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Happy birthday to Sir Mix-A-Lot! People forget how persecuted big butts were before he wrote that song.
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08-13-2012 10:20 by
Huck
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How do all these dudes driving Smart Cars find room in them for all the p ussy they're pulling in?
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02-15-2013 12:10
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A ghost could be humping you right now and you would never know.
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10-23-2012 21:16 by
Fadolo
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My wife and I got one of those board games for couples to spice things up. It quickly turned into a game of Sorry, which led to me playing a game of Uno.
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11-28-2012 10:38 by
StonerDudee
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Hello Acme? Me again, I'm gonna need a rocket and some roller skates.. Yeah & a sign with the word yikes on it... No I still haven't caught him
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07-28-2013 23:07 by
snotty
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...Couple who said they had pix of John Stamos w/underage girl in hot tub were indicted for extortion. Turns out the "girl" was Justin Bieber!
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08-06-2010 14:05 by
The Legal Eagle
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My Reality Check bounced.
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10-19-2009 02:40 by
mommy22699
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Tiger Woods: never satisfied with a hole in one.
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12-03-2009 05:35 by
Lemonpillow
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Why does a blonde have TGIF written on thier shoes? Toes Go In First.
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12-04-2009 19:38 by
Lemonpillow
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In Soviet Russia, status updates YOU!
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01-01-2010 23:13
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in the mood to push someone down the stairs hit them over the head with a fire extinguisher then bury the body under the garden patio
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03-24-2010 13:33 by
Aaron
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I saw a sign that said "DRINK CANADA DRY" so I moved to Toronto.
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05-19-2010 11:50 by
Joser
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A horse walked into a bar. Several people got up and left as they spotted the potential danger in the situation.
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01-05-2011 15:45 by
@Torren_T
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Mark Zuckerberg really controls all of our lives, at any moment he could decide to take Facebook offline.
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11-13-2010 22:25 by
Gr`April
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Doctors performed emergency surgery on Nancy Grace to remove what they thought was a malignant mass. Turned out it was just her head.
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11-30-2010 15:43
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Again, I can't hear you, because… I HAVE A BULLHORN
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12-01-2010 22:59 by
ff1241
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