Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If I ever get a tattoo,I am going to get a grape, that way when I am old,it will be a raisin.

   they should cast Demi as Ashton's girlfriend and rename the show - 'Two and a half decades older'

   Rick Perry should start campaigning in one of those giant foam cowboy hats.

   dear yellow light. challenge accepted!

   And just like that, the left support police officers.

   I'm not saying your kid is ugly.... I'm just saying you don't have to worry about pedophiles!!!

   My new phones battery dies faster than a black guy in a horror movie. -_-

   if drinking and driving is illegal, then why the hell do bars have a parking lot?

   laid back...with my mind on my money and my money on my mind

   Study shows 1 in 10 people live next door to a pedophile. Not me, though. I live next door to 2 really hot middle school girls.

   Dear Bible, you forgot to include us in your story. Sincerely, the dinosaurs

   I accidentally kicked my cat off of the bed while adjusting my blankets. Now he's in the corner sadly humming a Sarah McLachlan song.

   WHO'S GUILTY HERE?... A wife is dreaming, wakes up and shouts "Quick...my husband's home!" Her husband wakes up and jumps out the window!

   (Login to Facebook)...(No NEW notifications/messages/requests)....(Checks News Feed,..Nothing interesting)....(LOG OFF).......(Repeats in the next 7 minutes)

   It's called BE-YOU-tiful, not BE-FAKE-tiful...

   Don't laugh in the bathroom because it will make people think that your playing with yourself..

   I just took a Justin and wiped my Bieber...........

   aye Justin Bieber Imma let you finish but Ricky Martin is the best gay singer of all time! All Time!

   if she let's you keep your weed in her bra... wife that b!tch

   On a scale of 1 to Rihanna, how big is your foerhead?