Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   'Glee' actually isn't half bad. It's 3/4 bad.

   I would rather trust a billionaire who becomes a politician than a politician who becomes a billionaire.

   what do you call a white man surrounded by 500 black men...."Warden"

   My smoke detectors are always cheering me on for being such a great cook.

   Saw this person's photo on Facebook & I thought to myself ” DAMN I'D HIT THAT “……with a truck. “

   You get in the biggest fights with the people you care about the most, because they are the relationships you're willing to fight for.

   Pobody's nerfect. :)

   if a hermaphrodite goes missing, do you put their picture on a carton of Half and Half?

   friends are like boobs...some are real, some are fake...sometimes its hard to tell the real ones from the fake ones

   I found $80 in my jeans. The kid in me says "Buy Nerf guns and candy", but the adult in me says "Buy vodka, Nerf guns and candy.

   The famous 39lbs cat named Meow has died... When reached for comment Nancy Pelosi & Harry Reid said Meow's death is CLEARLY a result of the Republicans WAR on CATS!

   Gettin really tired of you emotional women on facebook. Stick some cotton in your crotch, eat a tub of ice cream, curl up to your body pillow, STFU and go to sleep

   I hit a midgets car today. He got out of the car and said, "I am not happy." So I said, "Which one are you?"

   when the Zombie Apacalypse happens (and it will) I'm going to surround my house with outward facing treadmills. Yep, I'll be just fine.

   The awkward moment when you accidentally call your teacher 'Mom.'

   just caught a glimpse of the supermoon coming from behind the clouds.. It looked like..... the moon!

   50% of my weirdness makes the other 50% creepy.

   "Its my money and I need it now" I just wanna smack the sh*t out of J.G Wentworth!!!!

   Damn...I'm having an out of money experience.

   Got out of jury duty by prefacing every answer with “according to the prophecy”