Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Hey nice try, people named Tristan. Or I should say Stan Stan Stan.

   This police sketch artist has no idea that he's about to draw me as the most bad ass Batman caricature ever.

   If your status update has been edited, there is a 95% chance I will browse through your mistakes before I read the actual update...

   Weird how it’s always the women with multiple muffin tops wearing the tightest tank tops money can buy

   Not listening to a single word you've said makes it impossible for you to run out of things to say to me.

   Ignorance begets overconfidence and it is harmful when these people are in positions of authority.

   if you see me eating salad in a restaurant, ive been kidnapped and I am trying to signal you

   There are a million different ways to say "I Love You": "Put your seat belt on", "Watch your step", "Did you eat?", "Get some rest". You just have to listen.

   Everyone has that one friend that can turn any conversation into something dirty....I am usually that friend.

   The police want to interview me. Strange....I didn't even apply for a job there.

   What does a grape say when it gets stepped on?...Nothing, it just lets out a little wine.

   But have you tried Googling first before sharing these fake posts?

   " No way....?!?! I majored in liberal arts too...!!! Btw....would you like fries with that.....???"

   Don't say retarded, it offends retarded people and people that look for reasons to be offended.

   How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony? It's not hard.

   Nipples...Mother Nature's thermometer.

   Told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

   The NBA Finals was a circus for LeBron, except a circus has three rings.

   I hate goodbyes. And hellos. And all the human interaction in between.

   My favorite in-laws are the ones that don't exist.