Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   The most awkward conversation must have been between the guy who invented toilet paper and the first person he told about it.

   Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll be really far away from me with your motivational nonsense

   I don't mind going to work. It's that eight-hour wait to go home that bugs me.

   What I lack in imagination,,, I make up.

   Penn State.....There's always Academics!

   I'll always cherish the original misconception I had of you.

   “if I had a hammer, I'd hammer in the morning.” And yet, people complain about today's song lyrics…

   Sometimes pretending to be busy takes more effort than being busy.

   Ladies and Gentlemen, the end of the world has been postponed due to lack of interest .

   If it requires clothes…I probably don't want to do it with you.

   If you received a Christmas gift, but you didn't p ost a picture of it on your FB wall, did you really receive a gift?

   I'm anxiously awaiting my front row tickets to...what goes around comes around

   My imaginary friend is dating Manti Teo's ex-imaginary-girlfriend.

   You people freak me out talking about stalking. Especially you.... sitting there in your blue & white striped polo shirt reading that book on your couch.

   Plan for tonight: 1. get off work and drink till Monday. 2. figure the rest out later

   really bummed there was no wardrobe malfunction this year

   Nobody has criticized me yet today. I should call my ex-wife and say hello.

   Ants can lift fifty times their own body weight, but do they lift even one finger around the house? NO!

   When your girlfriend says "Oh HE is my best friend" your relationship is already over

   Let's just call a restraining order what it really is......a challenge