Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I got a chainsaw in the mail today. Now I have to send saws to five other people.

   Matt Lauer got his journalism degree in a Bazooka Joe comic.

   Breaking News: The DOJ has released new guidelines. You can no longer use the term looting when talking about protests. The new PC term is now " Revenge shopping "

   7.1 billion people in the world. 0 willing to lower their standards and date me.

   Hillary's poll numbers are dropping faster than Bill Clinton's pants in an Arkansas trailer park

   R.I.P. Janet Reno. But at least she'll still be voting for Hillary.

   ..... "The system is rigged!!!" ------ Hillary Clinton.

   This, too, shall suck.

   Due to political correctness, "rapists" will now be called "unapproved lovers."

   I just got off the phone with a charity that wanted my old clothes for folks starving in Africa....Well I think it is a scam!!! Anyone that can wear my clothes sure ain't starving!!!!

   Good lord if you just have to reissue a 20 year old joke, at least get the punchline correct. It's Kareema Wheat, not Kareem of Wheat. God Almighty!

   Would it be smart for a department store to promise “we won’t check to see if you paid!” .... I wonder how long they would stay in business? .... Anyways, That's how the American Voter registration works.

   Now Falcons fans feel like Hillary supporters felt like on election night

   uh excuse me, I'm just here looking for the Democratic Restroom.

   Thanks for bringing back a lot of classic diseases, anti-vaxxers!

   The mad dog of the Middle East is now the stray dog of Hell's streets.

   Great news for YOU , I found a prostitute that charges by the inch, I obviusly can't afford her but I figured I'd pass it onto you so you could enjoy a cheap night out

   I wanted to save my children some money down the road so I already purchased my headstone for the cemetery. It reads "I'm not dead yet."

   If you suddenly find yourself unable to access some parts of my Facebook page, don't panic, it just means I have quarantined and placed your stalkin' a$$ on the RESTRICTED list. Thanks Facebook for this great new tool.

   I had my family tree done… turns out I'm a quarter gay on my father's side.