Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I'm starting to wish I were a werewolf so I'd have a better reason for waking up nude in public with no memory of how I got there.

   Patrick on Facebook is complaining about how he hates the word "moist." He thinks it's "so gross." I'm willing to bet that Patrick also doesn't like pu$$y and is still a virgin.

   I forgot to pay my bill to the exorcist and so I got re-possesed.

   Hillary Clinton was Diagnosed on Friday with Highly Contagious Bacterial Pneumonia and has been out in public all weekend! Is there something about the words "Highly Contagious" that she and her "Doctors" don't understand? Well that's ObamaCare For ya!

   I thought about buying Hillary Clinton's latest book until Amazon suggested that people who bought this item also bought boots, plastic sheeting, lye, and shovels

   I almost got raped in jail once. My family takes Monopoly way too seriously.

   The sexual position formally known as 69 is now called 96. Due to the economy, the cost of eating out has increased.

   6 year old: I say “yes ma’am” and “no ma’am” to my teacher Me: You sure didn’t learn those great manners from me. Where’d you learn that? 6 year old: Chick-fil-A

   Pfizer: our vaccine is 90% effective Moderna: our vaccine is 95% effective Pfizer: sorry, I meant ours is 95%. That’s what I meant to say Moderna: ours is 195% Oxford: ours can fold fitted sheets

   Aman ; I couldn't find the thing that peels the carrots & potatoes, so I asked the kids if they had seen it .... apparently, she left me yesterday.

   Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

   *me filing for unemployment* Unemployment office: be sure to call back between 11am-3pm as those are our hours Me: so you’re only open 4 hours Unemployment Office: yes any other questions Me: yes how do I work at the unemployme

   Men look at a woman’s behind and think “Wow! What an ass.” Women look at a man’s face and think the very same thing.

   NASCAR killed Dale Sr and Dale Jr just killed NASCAR.

   Always carry a knife. You never know when cake might happen.

   If MSNBC wants to know where all the detained girls are, then should start by looking in Judge Moore's basement!

   Who ever invented the knock knock joke should get the no bell prize.

   I hate Walmart. The men's bathroom doesn't have any urninals! Just a bunch of women screaming telling me to get out

   Women spend their whole lives thinking they are fat when they are perfect. Men spend their lives thinking they are perfect even when they are Fat !

   Dr. Fauci said we must limit stores to 10 looters at a time.