Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Easter: The day Jesus slapped YOLO in the face.

   Just because someone is "woke, it doesn't mean they're sentient.

   Coffee so black the police plant evidence on it.

   Pays bills....... *Bank turns off debit card for suspicious activity

   I wonder if Dr. Huxtable wrote his own prescriptions for roofies?

   A lot of people look up to me.....it's nice being tall.

   My Korean mate was going to cook his wife a surprise birthday dinner........But someone let the cat out of the bag

   Ok my Guardian Angel, if you're out there, and if you're listening.. Please listen to this one: "I want to keep her, for life"

   wondering if its cool in China to get English words tattooed on their arms?

   Sometimes I fear that my entire life is a mockumentary

   If your not going to remove that deer carcass from the side of the road can you at least turn his head so hes not looking at me while I drive by drinking my morning coffee!

   I remember when I first met her, she was all quiet, shy, innocent and reserved. But now...lets just say, I created a monster.

   Don't really care too much about the new fb update but is there a way to "subscribe" to positive only updates? Filter out the complainers, negative-nancys, shoe-taggers, and crybabies?

   This is just a reminder that your left leg and yo right leg are not at war. Please re-unite them.

   I had a great time fishing with my uncle until he looked up at me and said he's going to show me how to bone a fish.

   Do you want to speak to the man in charge or to the woman who knows what's going on?

   if you don't stand for something you will fall for anything

   How does the man in the moon cut his hair?.........Eclipse it!

   OK, Super Moon has arrived. Not quite what I expected ., it was kinda super. Not Super Duper but yeah.

   If a man tells you he deleted those pictures off is phone....he didn"t delete them.