Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   on a scale of 1 to justin bieber , how gay are you?

   Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo Juliette Oscar Echo Bravo India Delta Echo November.

   I’m starting to think plates are called china because most of them look the same.

   I love you like white folks love their pet dogs.

   Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

   When a pizza guy comes to my door, I like to answer wearing the same uniform as him and holding a pizza, and then insist that he called me.

   I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. "Alright, get in the basket"

   What's the difference between "no!, no!, not my ass!" and "mmm, mmm,mmm, mmm, mm"? Duct tape.

   You win some, you loose some, but it's all good if you get some :)

   If you can say "I can't breathe", then technically, you can breathe. Cops know not to fall for that trick.

   If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

   "On a scale of 1-100 how immature are you?" "69"

   this cop pulled me over then asked me why I was speeding, I told him I was rushing to the policemen's ball. He looked at me and told me "policemen don't have balls" he smiled and let me go

   Not all women are crazy. Some are dead.

   This is how my week goes: Mooooooooooooonday Tuuuuuuuuuuuuesday Weeeeeeeeeeednesday Thuuuuuuuuuuursday FriSatSun.

   Random Fact: Girls don't CARRY condoms in their wallets like men do... Instead, they HIDE them under the powder in their compacts. "LIKE" if you know this to be true.

   I celebrate Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invite everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we have an enormous feast, and then I kill them and take their land.

   Did a book report on facebook and passed.

   Call me Goofy...But I will always call "Margarine" "Butter"!!!

   Trust gets you killed. Love gets you hurt. Being real gets you hated.