Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Harry Potter and the Soul Crushing Responsibility of Adulthood.

   Does anyone know the recipe for 'I DON'T KNOW' because everybody in the house keeps telling me that when I ask them what they all want for dinner.....

   I don't want your girlfriend. No one wants your girlfriend... Thats why she's with you!

   By leaving your bed, your chances of dying increases by 99%. It's science.

   You needn't love your enemy, but if you refrain from telling lies about him, you are doing well enough.

   Putting your finger against someone's lips and saying "Shhhh.... Not another word." is super romantic. But the cop didn't think so.

   If you can start the toilet paper roll without clawing it like a velociraptor then of course,, you're a witch.

   Bill always chose someone over Hillary, so should you...

   The Patriots defensive coverage today is almost as bad as the coverage by Obamacare.

   There should be a Disney princess who lives in a ghetto... just to give hope to all the black girls out there

   At the end of the day, a man who identifies as a woman is still a man who identifies as a woman.

   ~ What makes a Man happy? Daughter on cover of Cosmo, Son on cover of Sports Illustrated, Mistress on the cover of Playboy & Wife on the missing persons list.

   I switched to Herbal Essences shampoo, but quickly discovered that I don't have a clit on top of my head like those women in the commercials.

   64 tornados in North Carolina alone. Can we turn our attention to our own for once and send money to some Americans instead of Japan?

   French vanilla is just like regular vanilla except it smokes too much cigarettes and doesn't bathe.

   Let the Red Sox annoyance begin.....ugh!

   Chicago has proved exactly how tolerant the left is towards things like free speech, open debate, and open elections.

   A guy goes into the doctor's office with a duck on his head. The doctor says "Can I help you?" The duck says "Yeah, can you get this guy off my ass?"

   If 10% is good enough for God, it should be enough for the IRS!

   Having slanted eyes suck! Cant see sh!t when I smile!