Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   One womans trash is...well, just trash! Women dont throw away things that have real value ;)

   I'd rather hear my parents describe how they have sex than hear a group of drunk chicks when their favorite song comes on.

   You can either agree with me, or you can be wrong.

   Starbucks now sells coffee in a 32oz size, called a "trenta"... For those of you who feel like having diarrhea ALL day

   It's difficult to have a committed relationship with a schizophrenic. They're always seeing other people.

   Did you know that your nipples are lined up with your earlobes? :)

   Don't you hate it when you tell your kid "9 a clock time for bed" and they say " no it is only 8:58 "!!!

   That awesome moment when you notce you are much better looking than the idiot she is currently with. :0)

   I complimented this chick on her dress today but what I really meant was, you have an awesome rack.

   Earlier I tapped my foot twice to a song. Sometimes the dance just bursts right out of me.

   Nobody on television curses more than the Roadrunner.

   Q. What is the real purpose of FOREPLAY? A. To make sure it's REALLY a woman.

   That awkard moment when you wake up your boyfriend in middle of night to say "stop snoring!!!" and you realize that it's the dog and not him.

   i hope you're happy people..y'all jus sued your way into no cracker jack toy.. if your kid choked thats called natural selection, not have a retard an be a millionairre

   Officer the only reason I'm speeding is because I'm late...and stopping me for 15 minutes to give me a ticket is only going to make me speed even more!

   Ever think "Serial Killers Coming" when you're getting into your car and you drop your car keys?

   Crying is not necessarily a sign of weak character. Sometimes it is a sign of strong onions.

   Can't wait for the Super Moon tonight, I wonder what color it's cape is?

   I believe in Karma, Mainly because I can do bad things to people I don't like and assume they deserved it .

   Dear Women of Online Dating Sites: You're unique and down to Earth.....just like everybody else.